long long long long ago... people were really stupid. there were one time before the human brain had evolved when fish were the dominant animal. and cucumbers were the dominant porpoise. because pickles hadn't been invented yet. one day a fish came to town. it was a catfish named puss. (once i named a catfish puss that i had caught in the pond and then they cooked it and ate it and i was sad) he was a devious puss. this puss--
alanna: HES A CATFISH
SHHH!!! QUIET, FOOL! anyway. this puss decided he'd landed on a town o' suckers. and at the human meeting where they banged heads together, not because they thought it made them tough, but because they didnt have any nervous system yet developed to let them know that it hurt. they had no brainpower. they had no brain. the human brain hadnt evolved yet. and that's when puss hid in the bushes before fish couldnt get out of water and said in an ominous voice, "i am an ominous voice! i am telling you people 'you must climb to the moon!' and let it never be said that i am the door!!" and then puss giggled. and that ruined the entire ominous plan. but the giggle hadn't evolved yet and the people didnt know what they were hearing. they thought it was ominous.
anyway they didnt know what the moon was. it hadnt evolved yet. so they looked around for a moon.
guy #1: hey, you the moon?
guy #2: well well no i aint the moon. hey woman, you the moon?
woman: i aint the moon.
guy #2: whats that stuff down there? is that the moon?
as you can see, they weren't very intelligent. they hadn't evolved yet. anyway, they went on a continuous search for the moon. and then they kept going. searching. and it went on forever. this group of people died. they spent their whole lives searching but they never found it. that's pathetic. since these people didnt live, we evolved from the dominant fungi.
alanna: porpoises!
porpoises. anyway. human beings didnt evolve from human beings. that's my point. and fish are still around. but their deviousness and ominousness and pussiness did not evolve along with them. now theyre really stupid. and let it never be said that i am the door.

this has been a short story by morgie poo.

you know those stupid notes they send home? you know, from school? they all say the same thing! 'conduct blah blah blah your child blah blah blah'
once mom got one from art class. it said 'please go over this with your child'
mom didnt want to read the note. it said the same thing that everything said. so she put it on the ground and hopped over it. well it said to go over it!! then she said 'morgan its your turn' then we went over it together. this is a true story. i'm not lying! no really it is. honest to goodness. and all that sweet loving stuff. really! yes.
alanna: heavens to betsy.
heavens and betsy. yes. yes it is. yes. mmhmmm.. yes. hm.

uhm.. alanna..... dont put me on the spot i have nothing to say.
alanna: you said you had something to say!
that's all i wanted to say. about the hair.
alanna: so say something thats NOT about the hair.
it's my birthday tomorrow.
alanna: that went well.
what are you getting me? alanna's getting me a wet bathroom floor for christmas. i mean. birthday.
did i tell you about the christmas alanna put me in a cardboard box and said 'morgan, i've got something reeeaally special for you.'
i would've asked her what it was if i hadnt suffocated.
anyway she said it was more fun when you get to BE the present. i didn't think it was that great. i was rendered unconscious. maybe i even died. that's an experience you don't forget. i recommend you try it some time.
but you'll never live to tell the tale. you'll be dead. like i was. am. telling the tale. yup. again. yup. yup yup. mmhm.

i don't like her hair. it ruins her.